I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
