You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
