they need to just BURY HIM!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
