Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
