I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
