A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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