WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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