I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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