I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
