I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
