You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
