Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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