I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
