last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
