While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
