Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
