I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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