I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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