I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
