hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
