i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
where are you?
Hypothermia
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
