Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Small penises have feelings too.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sext me about skeletons
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
