do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
