Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
