I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
