You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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