Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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