Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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