Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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