I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
