he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
