my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
