he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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