never play flip cup with pint glasses
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
