I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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