I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have post one night stand depression
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