Will you blow on my dice?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
