I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
