Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
