In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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