ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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