Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
