Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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