May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
