pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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