I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
