my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
