the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
