so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
