god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
