Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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