Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
