Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
