I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
how does that bad decision feel?
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