Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
