The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
