TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
